i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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