I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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