I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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