Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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