I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
