can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize