so explain again why im purple
no
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
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