i think my tv is drunk
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
