Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
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