Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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