There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Randomize
