i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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