whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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