i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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