if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Semen is not good for contacts.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
