I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
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