I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
