i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I need a burrito and a hug.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
