At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
