Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
And then he peed in my hair
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