Define "chronic" masturbator.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
