What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
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