I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
