Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Randomize
