i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
