she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
