i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Randomize
