When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
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