well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Randomize
