porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
My ass is underappreciated
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Randomize
