Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Randomize