she kept yelling 'call me bella'
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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