its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
