He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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