Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
