he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
