Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
