my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize