I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
