ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
