I love black thongs
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize