Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
