"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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