The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
