She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Even my vagina gasped.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Panties = found
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
