you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
