No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
