I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Randomize
