one might say we're banned from that church
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
