I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
it's like heaven, but drunker
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
