My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
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