It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
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