some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
