The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize