His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
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