i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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