Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
