she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
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