its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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