Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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