We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
