maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
