Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
