Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
