I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize