I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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