Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
