Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
