i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
