i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
