I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Randomize
