I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize