so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Randomize
