My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
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