Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
