Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
