bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
