hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Randomize
