I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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