i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize
