Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
