I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
