ya dads aren't the best wingmen
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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