haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
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