Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
jump out the window naked night went bad
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
