The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
