IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
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