I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
You are a genius and a whore.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
