Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Randomize
