So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
