im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
