Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
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