it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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