i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
