Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
