I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
What a dumb baby whore.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
