You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I touched a dick in church today
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
