Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
