so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
