Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Can I color on your dick again?
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
