God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
We need to feng shui this bitch.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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