Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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