I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
