If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
We named our party play list daddy issues
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
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