I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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