she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
she pinky promised me she was 18
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
