I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I didn't shave. On purpose
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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