ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
