You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Randomize
