I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
