Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
dude. I can hear the air.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
