just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
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