I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
