I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Randomize
