I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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