The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
