What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize